How To Train Your Demon Butler
by sasuke-chidori
Summary: Ciel's instructions on training a demon butler.
1. Introduction

How To Train Your Demon Butler

By: Ciel Phantomhive

Apparently, these days, more people are getting demon butlers. Obviously those idiots think that it's better to have a demon as a butler instead of an actual human. It's because of that theory that I want to take my cane and knock some sense into them. Unfortunately, I can get arrested for that so I have to refrain from hitting them. Stupid laws. But I digress. In all actuality, demon butlers are very hard to train which is exactly why I made this set of instructions on training them. This set of instructions is so easy that a baby could follow them so I'm pretty sure all of you who have half a brain and decided to get a demon butler can follow them as well.


	2. Step One

Step One

THE MOST IMPORTANT STEP!

Make sure you have some way of controlling them if they get out of hand or stop listening to you. I would suggest using a shock collar. Let me give you a moment between me and my demon butler as an example.

_*flashback*_

_"Sebastian!" I yelled._

_I was expecting him to appear immediately but he never showed up._

_"Sebastian!" I yelled again but he still didn't show up._

_My patience grew thin and I decided to give him one more chance to appear._

_"SEBASTIAN!" I yelled as loud as I could but he still didn't show up. "That's it! I'm going to go find him. I can't believe him!" I ranted as I stood up._

_I grabbed my cane and walked out of my study. I walked down the narrow hallway and to the steps that led to the main entrance. I walked down the stairs and out of the mansion. Low and behold, there, sitting on the steps was Sebastian. In his lap was a black cat and he was playing with its paws. I stood behind him for a few seconds then decided it was time to make my presence known._

_"Sebastian!" I yelled causing him to jump a little._

_He put the cat down then stood up. He turned to face me and I tapped my cane in anger._

_"I called you three freaking times! Why did you not come to me?"_

_"I'm sorry, Master. I was not paying attention."_

_"Obviously. That is why I got this." I said pulling a box out of my pocket. "Close your eyes."_

_He did as he was told and when he closed his eyes I opened the box. Out of it, I pulled a shock collar. I stood up and snapped the collar around his neck then pulled back._

_"Okay you can open your eyes now." I said smirking._

_He opened his eyes and put a hand on his neck. He gave the collar a tug but it wouldn't come off._

_"Master, what is this?"_

_"It's a shock collar. Everytime you don't respond to me I'll give you a little shock. Ha! I finally found a way to control you and there's nothing you can do about it."_

_"Oh really?"_

_"Yes."_

_"Well how can you control the collar when you don't have the remote?"_

_"On the contrary. I do have the remote. It's right here." I said holding up a little black remote._

_"Thank you." Sebastian said reaching for the remote._

_"No." he said holding it up higher._

_"Curse me and my stupid height." I said in frustration._

_"It's okay, Master. Someday you will grow tall." Sebastian said as he pressed a button on the remote causing the collar to come off._

_He handed me back the collar then walked away._

_*flashback ends*_

Okay so maybe a shock collar isn't the best way to go if your demon butler is taller than you. Trust me when I say payback comes hard.

Okay well onto step two.


	3. Step Two

Step Two

This is the fun step.

Give them stupid commands to perform. But as a warning be careful. Some commands can come back and ruin your ego. Trust me on that. Other than that have fun with making up stupid commands. Some of my favorites are:

_"Come help me out of this hole!"_

_"Get me out of this tree!"_

_"Tie my shoes."_

_"Carry me. I'm too tired to walk." _and the list goes on and on. Just make sure you also give your demon butler serious commands or there could be dire consequnces. Also, for those few idiots who think it's funny to get yourself into trouble on purpose, it won't be funny later on. If you keep doing that your demon butler may soon desert you.

Now that you have step two let's move onto step three.


	4. Step Three

Step Three

This step is obvious!

Do not try to kill your demon butler! You cannot kill your demon butler so it is futile to try. Even if you set him on fire or try to blow him up he will come back. Amazingly, when he comes back he will look perfect. There will be no marks or evidence that you tried to kill him. His anger, on the other hand, is a different story. He may come back with a smile but that smile has absolutely no emotion to it except that of hidden anger. Trust me. I have witnessed it with my own demon butler and the outcome was not pretty. Yes, this step may seem stupid but I have met some idiots who have done this. Of course, they aren't with us now but who really cares about those idiots. Okay, I take that last sentence back because those idiots were cared about by their friends and family. If this step is not on your "do-not-do" list you need to put it on there. Don't be the idiot to try it and end up facing a very angry demon butler. It will be the last move you ever make.

Let's go to the next step.


	5. Step Four

Step Four

This step I have personally done.

Do not try to take a picture of your demon butler. When I tried this I failed. Well, I was actually able to take one but he destroyed it. Then he decided to take his own picture while I was asleep at my desk. I knew I shouldn't have left the camera sitting out. That was a stupid move of mine. So I warn you: do not try to take a picture of your demon butler. It does not work and sometimes it can backfire on you.

Now for the next step.


	6. Step Five

Step Five

The final step.

I cannot stress this step enough. DO NOT GET A DEMON BUTLER! I know this step is futile for you who already have a demon butler but for those of you who are reading this and don't have a demon butler please follow this step. I am trying to save you from making this horrible life-changing decision. This choice will literally kill you because when you decide to get a demon butler you must make a contract with him. This contract states how long he will remain your butler and gives him permission to eat your soul when that time limit is up. It is for that reason that I'm making this book. I am trying to save you from a horrible death. Yes, I have my own demon butler but I have him for a personal reason. I understand if you have one for a personal reason or are thinking of getting one for a personal reason but do not get one just because. IT IS A HORRIBLE IDEA!


	7. Conclusion

In conclusion please do not get a demon butler. Just stick to regular human butlers no matter how unreliable and idiotis they me. I have three that can't do one single thing right. Sometimes I wonder why I hired them in the first place. Well this ends my guide. Please follow my steps and don't be an idiot.

Sincerely,

Ciel Phantomhive


	8. Author's Note

**Author's Note**

**Thanks guys for the awesome reviews! I'm amazed at how many I've gotten within the short time period this story has been up. I already have a sequel to this story which I will hopefully get put up soon and I have another story in mind as we speak. If you have any story suggestions message them to me and I'll try to use them! **

**Thanks again! :)**


End file.
